


Look out of the Window

by bapofficial



Category: B.A.P, K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Gen, HP AU, honestly i was gonna make it end angsty but :)))
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 08:37:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5578765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bapofficial/pseuds/bapofficial
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Youngjae is not happy at all when Daehyun receives a funny old letter inviting him to a special school for witches and wizards</p>
            </blockquote>





	Look out of the Window

“Youngjae, look!” an excited Daehyun shrieks from the other side of the pond, beckoning his friend over enthusiastically. 

Youngjae’s ears perk up; he recognises that _tone_ in Daehyun’s voice — that tone of wonder and pride — that he’s hearing more and more as the days get warmer and longer. He hesitates at first, but once again, curiosity gets the better of him, and he joins Daehyun on the opposite bank. Daehyun lowers his hand, revealing a wren bouncing happily on the surface of his palm.

“Hold your hand out!” Daehyun says, and it’s the spark in Daehyun’s eye more than anything that makes Youngjae’s arm respond. “Jump onto Youngjae’s hand,” he whispers to the small bird, and it does. He asks the wren to switch hands several more times and it obliges, hopping excitedly between them. “It’s amazing, don’t you think?”

Youngjae grunts a sound of agreement, but he can’t stop the frown that sets into his features. Daehyun has always dubbed Youngjae as the clever one, but that doesn't stop Youngjae from being unable to understand how Daehyun can sometimes do things that he can't. They're small, petty things, really, Youngjae usually reminds to make himself feel better, but he's just not used to not succeeding at things — at being second best — and frankly, he's jealous when Daehyun gets up to all kinds of mischief without getting into trouble, or attracts all the animals in parks, or demonstrates the ability to do anything that humans shouldn't be able to do. He’s tried countless times, mimicking Daehyun’s actions, but nothing extraordinary ever happens.

His lack of enthusiasm has clearly disappointed Daehyun, who resorts to stroking the wren’s head softly. Hanging his head, Youngjae swallows his ego. “How… how do you do it?”

Daehyun observes him carefully for a moment. “I honestly don’t know. If I understood how it worked, you know you’d be the only person I’d tell, don’t you?” He doesn’t miss Youngjae’s small smile, and for now, Youngjae’s silent support is enough for him.

One day at the beginning of the long-awaited summer holidays, Daehyun receives a yellowed old envelope in the post which has pinned his address all the way down to where his room is, and has a funny old-fashioned stamp at the back. He immediately calls Youngjae over and upstairs to his room so that they can open the letter together and laugh at whatever is written inside. He’s right: the letter is completely ridiculous, and contains a lot of peculiar words and names. But the more he reads it, the more the humour of it wears off.

“A wizard…” Daehyun says slowly, turning to look at Youngjae’s reaction. “It kind of makes sense.”

Youngjae scoffs. “Don’t be stupid. Magic isn’t real, and neither are witches or wizards. This letter is a big joke.”

Daehyun’s face falls. Youngjae’s blunt and harsh words will cause an argument between them one day, if Daehyun doesn’t play the part of the better person. “Well, then, Mr Clever, how else would you explain the things that I can do?”

Youngjae visibly stiffens. “I don’t know, and I don’t care,” he says sharply, and leaves to go back to his own house across the road.

Daehyun sighs. He knows Youngjae will be back in an hour or two with an ice cream or bag of sweets as a peace offering (would it kill him to admit he’s in the wrong and apologise for once?), but Youngjae’s constant bitterness whenever the topic of Daehyun’s _abilities_ comes up is starting to be tiresome. It’s not like he asked for this: he’s as confused about how and why as his friend is. He stuffs the letter back into its envelope, and pushes that under his bed and out of his mind.

But the next day, a funny old man in long purple robes and a silver beard tucked into his belt turns up at Daehyun’s door. His parents call him and Youngjae downstairs to the living room, and the old man looks at Youngjae from over his half-moon spectacles cautiously for a few seconds, before beginning to speak. He speaks for a long time, about distant places and childhood fantasies, but to Youngjae it all sounds bad, bad, _bad_ , because this man seems to be saying that Daehyun will be leaving him and going to a special school because of his ‘magic’ skills. And Youngjae doesn’t like that at all.

“Teach me a spell,” he says, later that week. He had spent the first few days seething in envy, but the longer he ignores Daehyun’s stares from his window, the less time he’ll have to spend with him before he leaves.

Daehyun looks up from his book quickly, closes it and flashes a dazzling smile. “Are we friends again?”

Youngjae shuffles uncomfortably. “If you teach me some magic, then maybe I’ll get my letter too? Then we can go to Hogwarts together. Please, teach me something.”

Touched, Daehyun stands up to face him properly. “Jae, you know I don’t know anything real. Honestly, I don’t understand any of this. It should be you with the magical blood, not me: that would make more sense. You’re the one with the talent and brains. You’d put it to use better than anyone else.”

It doesn't dawn on Daehyun until the night before the first of September that this will be the first time ever doing anything without his friend by his side. Youngjae had been understandably envious and bitter at the start, but Daehyun had used his (normal human) charms and shown Youngjae extra patience and kindness, and Youngjae had mostly grown out of it over the summer. He still had moments where he'd snap out at Daehyun, but he'd come around sooner or later, and was more understanding than Daehyun could have possibly hoped for.

Youngjae waves for longer than Daehyun's own parents, chasing the train and desperately holding on to the last piece of his childhood, as he knows it.

He writes to Daehyun every single week for the first year. Daehyun's enthusiastic and lengthy replies are what keep him going through the mundanity and fear of being so alone at his new secondary school. He often catches himself absent-mindedly staring out of his own window at Daehyun’s vacant one across the road, half expecting the curtains to be pulled back to reveal a bright face smiling at him, promising all kinds of mischief and laughter. Seeing Daehyun again in the summer feels like a taste of iced lemonade on a sultry summer day, soothing his nerves and widening the smile he had almost forgotten had existed. He gets increasingly snappy when Daehyun won't shut up about some stupid moving tree or staircase or whatever will be the magical topic of the day, though, so they resort to playing their old games again: they're still twelve, after all.

But with each passing year, there becomes less to talk about in their letters. Daehyun's replies change from once a week to once a month, and become steadily more brief and impersonal. Youngjae feels like he's grasping at the bubbles Daehyun would blow when they were little, jumping up and reaching for fragile fragments of happiness that were so slippery and short-lived.

Several days before Daehyun departs for his fifth year, the two have their biggest argument yet. Well, Youngjae does, furiously screaming at Daehyun and throwing his stupid lying books about _stupid_ mythical creatures that _don't exist_ around Daehyun's room. Daehyun, as always, is calm and collected, which infuriates Youngjae even more. For the first time, he runs back to his bedroom, his sanctuary, without returning with a peace offering, leaving Daehyun to Spellotape loose pages back into his books, and to board the train without Youngjae's face being the last he saw of his normal life again. 

Youngjae doesn't write to him at all that year, waiting for Daehyun to be the first to write for once. Besides, there's nothing interesting Youngjae has to say anymore, apart from his constant loneliness, perfect grades in school, and the way he gets pushed and jeered at in corridors without having a friend by his side to help him back up. Youngjae decides to blame it all on Daehyun: it’s easier to deal with it that way. If he hadn't left, Youngjae would have had a friend, someone he could turn to, rely on, and pour his worries out to. But the truth is that Youngjae doesn’t know how to make a friend that isn’t Daehyun, doesn’t know how pull himself out of the misery he’s thrown himself into, and there’s nobody to blame for that but himself.

When Daehyun comes back that summer, the first thing he does is knock on Youngjae's door. They look at each other for a few moments, before tackling each other in a teary and fierce embrace, everything forgiven, forgotten. This summer is the best one yet, with Daehyun focusing his complete attention on Youngjae. There is no sign of him being anything other than completely ordinary, with all his school books and trunk hidden away under his bed. He laughs enthusiastically at all of Youngjae’s jokes, compliments him more than usual, and showers him with the affection Youngjae has been craving so desperately. Lazy afternoons under the sun, laughing together at nothing, make it worth it in the end, Youngjae thinks. Holding on.

But too soon, the time comes for Daehyun to leave again. Youngjae accompanies him to the station, promising to write. And they do, for the most part. They try to maintain an exchange of conversation, but there's only so much that can be said, with Daehyun wanting to avoid mentioning the source of his happiness, and Youngjae avoiding the source of his fears and insecurities. Entire conversations revolve around reminiscing their childhoods, countless letters begin with ‘remember when’s, and Youngjae feels like maybe they’re holding on too tightly to something that isn’t all there anymore.

The next summer feels different. Daehyun seems more quiet and grown up than Youngjae has ever seen him. When Youngjae asks, Daehyun explains the concept of adulthood being reached at seventeen in the wizarding world. Youngjae almost scoffs, but restrains himself because Daehyun looks so nervous. They tiptoe around each other, spending almost every day together, but being careful not to cross any lines by getting carried away in petty arguments or starting any emotional conversations.

One suffocating night near the end of August, when Daehyun's parents are out, Daehyun leads Youngjae up to his room, and tells him that he could, if Youngjae wanted, show him some magic.

“I don’t have the Trace anymore,” he explains when all Youngjae has to offer is a look of surprise. “And it's in my own home; I doubt the Ministry would reprimand me. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and it should be ok. We can do it in front of Mu— non-magical people if they’re family members, and you’re pretty much family.”

Youngjae is shocked to say in the least. All these years, he's never seen any physical proof of Daehyun's magical education, and he's dying to see the fruit of all of his suffering: see something childishly enchanting that would recreate some long-lost feeling of happiness from when they were little. But then that would also set it in concrete: the fact that Daehyun is different to him, and has had a happier life without him. He almost says no — that would be the right thing to do, he thinks, for his own sake — but Daehyun has that _tone_ in his voice again, and that glint in his eye of excitement and pride: his urge to prove himself to Youngjae. Once again, curiosity takes control, and he nods once.

Daehyun breathes a sigh of relief, the tenseness leaving his shoulders. “Just so you know, though, I—” he begins quietly, “I’ve not actually managed to do this properly before. It’s really hard, and— yeah.”

Youngjae offers him a small smile of encouragement, which Daehyun returns bashfully.

He pulls out a stick of wood from under his bed, raises it and whispers " _Expecto patronum_ ".  

Youngjae doesn't know what he expected, but it was more than some wispy, formless gas that disappeared after a few seconds. By the light of the spell, he sees Daehyun's disappointment clearly.

“I had to think of a happy thought or memory to make it work,” Daehyun explains, but even if it’s really strong, sometimes it’s still so hard for it to take shape: to be a corporeal Patronus.” When Youngjae doesn’t say anything, Daehyun continues. “It was you,” he admits with a twinge of embarrassment, “my happy thought.”

Youngjae looks up quickly and searches Daehyun’s face for a sign of the laugh usually bubbling beneath his skin, but all he finds is sincerity. He feels something warm in his fingertips, but pushes that to back of his mind. “But… it didn’t work,” he says slowly.

“I thought maybe seeing you in the flesh would help me focus more. Maybe it never works at school because you’re so far away?”

Youngjae takes this all in slowly, before standing up. “Is this why you brought me here?” he asks calmly. “Did you want to show me something or did you just need me to help you do it better, for your own sake? Like you always have?” He knows he’s crossed a line, but he won’t take it back.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Like I ‘always have’?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Just carry on using me when you need me, then leave when you’ve finished. It’s ok, clever little Youngjae doesn’t mind, he can carry on desperately counting down the days until he can see your face, but you don’t need to show the same amount of enthusiasm. That’s fine! Youngjae’s always here because he’s pathetic. You can have the time of your life, acknowledge his existence for a minute, and then go back to having fun, and that’s completely fine! Because that’s more than enough for—”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Daehyun says coldly, and it chills Youngjae’s blood to hear him actually retaliate. “What makes you think this is all _my_ fault? Can’t you see how hard I’m trying to make this work?” he all but shouts, gesturing the space between them. “Stop being so bloody difficult Youngjae. I try and balance both worlds throughout the year, and then I become completely normal again for _weeks_ , rejecting anything from my world, just for _you_! Just so you don’t feel uncomfortable or left out. I ignore my friends’ letters over summer just so I can focus on you, but I end up getting screamed at instead. I pretend nothing has changed since we were little just so we can still be close, only to have you throw it back in my face.” He stops for breath, chest heaving.

“You shouldn’t have gone in the first place.”

Daehyun actually tilts his head back and laughs. It’s an eerie sound, so devoid of the humour and delight that Youngjae is used to. “What would you have done?”

Youngjae says nothing.

“You know as well as I do that I had no choice in this whole thing. I didn’t ask for this. But you can’t expect me to reject it; I belong in the magical world.”

“Then you don’t need to bother with this one, if you don’t feel like you belong here.”

Daehyun runs a hand through his hair in frustration. “For God’s sake Youngjae, you know why I’m here. Who I’m here for.”

“No, I don’t,” Youngjae replies with a bitter smile, “because clearly, even my bloody presence isn’t a happy enough thought for you.”

He turns and leaves without sparing Daehyun another glance, scared that Daehyun will see how his hands are shaking, or will pick up on the tremble in his voice, and will try to stop him. But Daehyun doesn’t say anything, neither in that moment, nor any other moment before he leaves on the first of September for the last time.

They don’t write to each other again that year. Youngjae spirals into an inescapable sadness and stress that leaves him slamming his door closed even against his parents, because he's already shown that his presence is not worth enough to make the most important people in his life happy. Time flows infuriatingly slowly, and Daehyun’s window across the road looks further away than it should be. Youngjae doesn’t want a repeat of the loneliness of fifth year, but he stops himself halfway through writing numerous letters of apology. They had both said things they shouldn’t have, it wasn’t just him. But the way Daehyun had raised his voice still echoes in his ears, and maybe, he thinks, Daehyun was right. They both had some fault in this, whatever _this_ is. Youngjae knows he’s stubborn and demanding and selfish, and when he compares that with Daehyun’s calm and understanding selflessness that he’s shown all these years, he feels the first pricks of guilt and shame.

When the last day of term _finally_ comes, Youngjae asks Daehyun’s parents if he can accompany them to the station. They look surprised, but don’t question him.

Waiting for the train to come is agonising. Despite all the years he’s known him, Youngjae has no idea how Daehyun might react to seeing him here today. He tries not to think about if he pushed Daehyun’s patience too far that night, and that Daehyun won’t want to speak to him again. After all, it’s not as if Youngjae showed any appreciation for all of Daehyun’s efforts. Youngjae loses himself amongst a swirl of ‘what if’s, until they’re swept away by a familiar screeching sound.

The scarlet engine slows to a stop, and immediately, the platform comes to life. Doors are thrown open, revealing chattering students and the irritated sounds of animals in cages. Youngjae scans the crowd for a glimpse of Daehyun until he sees him near the middle of the platform, talking animatedly with a large group of friends. He wonders how Daehyun managed to isolate himself from all this fun and laughter every summer to spend time with a bitter and immature brat like him. Daehyun has seen the wonders of the world and made wonders of his own, and Youngjae doesn’t understand how he managed to shut himself away from that for him. He waits as they say their goodbyes to each other, and Daehyun greets his parents. After a few moments, they must have mentioned Youngjae, because Daehyun’s eyebrows shoot up, and he starts searching the platform for someone. Youngjae immediately looks down and fidgets with his hands.

“Hi,” says a quiet voice from before him, barely distinguishable amidst the loud huddles of people on all sides.

Youngjae looks up, hardly daring to believe his eyes. Daehyun stands in front of him, offering him a shy smile.

“I wasn’t expecting you to come here,” he says softly.

“I’m sorry,” Youngjae blurts, before he can talk himself out of it.

Daehyun’s eyes widen. “What?”

“I’m sorry,” Youngjae repeats. “I’m an idiot. And I honestly don’t know how you put up with me.”

Daehyun stares at him until a wide grin stretches across his face. “I agree. And I don’t know either, to be honest. But thanks for the thought, I appreciate it.”

“I’m being serious,” Youngjae groans.

“So am I.”

Youngjae looks at Daehyun carefully, but the lopsided grin is unnerving him.

“I’ve been so stupid and selfish and I’m so sorry I—”

Daehyun raises his hands to calm him. “Woah, Youngjae, chill.” He has the audacity to then _laugh_ at Youngjae’s confusion. “Seriously, thank you. I don’t think I’ve heard you say the word ‘sorry’ in my entire life, and now I’ve got it three times in under a minute. Give me a minute to process this and save it in my memory forever to use as blackmail material.”

Youngjae, being the stubborn and lippy dumbass he is, opens his mouth to retort, but Daehyun effectively cuts off his air supply by strangling him in a tight hug, bouncing up and down with his arms wound around Youngjae’s neck like the lovable child _he_ is.

“Just… shut up for a bit, please? I know you’re dying to say something to ruin the moment.” 

Youngjae tries to argue back again, which proves Daehyun’s point, so he gives up and presses his face into Daehyun’s shoulder, feeling a smile tug at his lips. When Daehyun finally loosens his grip, Youngjae clears his throat awkwardly.

“What, so you’re ok with this?”

“What?” Daehyun asks, voice laced with supressed laughter.

“I mean… you forgive me?” Youngjae wishes the floor would swallow him.

“Yeah?"

“That quickly?”

Daehyun looks at him with mock pity before sighing. “What am I going to do with you?” he laments as he pulls Youngjae by the elbow back to where his parents are standing, ready to go home.

This summer by far tops all of the others.

Youngjae has just beat Daehyun for the fifth time running at a game when Daehyun brings up the topic of magic again. Youngjae shifts uncomfortably, but Daehyun is insistent.

“No really, I think it’ll work this time,” he says with the excited glint in his eye, and Youngjae inwardly scolds himself for being unable to say no. 

But when Daehyun raises his wand and says the incantation confidently, Youngjae is surprised to see the silvery gas emitted from it begin to gather and take shape into a… bunny? Daehyun is ecstatic, jumping around on Youngjae’s bed, making the bunny hop around the room, with Youngjae cheering and clapping enthusiastically in support, before it vanishes a few moments later. 

“Did you see that! That was the first time it ever worked!” he exclaims. 

“I saw! But how come you knew it would work this time? What did you think about?” 

“The same as last time." 

Youngjae bites his lip. “Then what changed?” 

Daehyun gives him a dirty look from the corner of his eye. “You stopped being a little bitch.” 

Youngjae start to think of a comeback, but honestly, Daehyun is right. (Not that he’d admit it out loud.) And maybe, _maybe_ , the idea of the Patronus (or whatever Daehyun had called it) working because of him makes him happy enough not to feel the usual overwhelming need to fight back. 

Daehyun smirks. “There we go, much better. I wish you were always like this.” 

Youngjae exaggerates a sigh. “Don’t push it or you’ll regret it.” 

Daehyun holds up his hands in mock surrender. “Ok, ok, I’ve stopped.” When Youngjae doesn’t reply, he turns to look at him properly. “What’s up?”

Youngjae is staring out of the window with a thoughtful expression. “I used to… look out of the window sometimes, at yours,” he admits, face a violent shade of red, “and hope you’d appear at the planned time, like you would when we were small.” 

Daehyun smiles sadly, before jumping up and clapping Youngjae on the shoulder sharply. “Look out in five. I’m leaving now,” he announces, showing himself out of Youngjae’s house and going to his own, with Youngjae watching from his window. 

After a few minutes, a light flickers on in the window opposite, and the curtains are pulled back, and Daehyun’s bright face smiles at him from across the road, promising all kinds of stupid arguments and laughter.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to the lovely people in the bapnet chat for dealing with the word vomit at 5am that turned into this fic :)))
> 
> [tumblr](http://bapofficial.tumblr.com) | [twitter](http://twitter.com/yeahbap)


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